I was talking to a friend a little while ago who had accomplished a lot in the previous week. I asked her if she was exhausted. She said something like, “I don’t know. I should be happy or proud or something, but I’m not. I’m just indifferent. I guess everything is fine.”
I nodded in agreement. I feel that way very often. Slightly disconnected. Just running around and checking boxes on the to-do list. We chalked it up to getting a little older and the wisdom and restraint that comes with a wider worldview.
Cut to: A short time later (today) when I have spent the majority of the day researching burnout.
I no longer think that our shared experience of complacency when it came to accomplishment was the laissez faire that comes with aging. You know what I think it might be? Yeah. You guessed it.
Most people think of burnout as not being able to get out off bed, passing out at work like Arianna Huffington, and an overall bodily breakdown associated with long-term bad ass prolonged productivity. It isn’t. Burnout isn’t remotely as dramatic. Or evident.
Psychology Today says, “Burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress.” That definition sure sounds like the dramatic definition of burnout that I know. But, when you dig deeper, there are three widely recognizable symptoms of burnout that sound pretty dang familiar.
Persistent mental and physical exhaustion. Yeppers. Exhaustion party of one here with a pre-schooler, a startup, and a writing career. Count me in for the exhaustion party - BYOBlanket for the sleepfest.
Depersonalization. This is what I was chatting about with my friend. Depersonalization can be that numb feeling when you finish a difficult project or learn some happy news. This also might be a feeling of indifference.
Reduced personal accomplishment. Now, I haven’t experienced this one, but it’s worth recognizing nonetheless. People who have reduced personal accomplishment symptoms of burnout might become less and less creative or they lose the joy they once had in their everyday tasks.
So, if you’re feeling like any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone. So many people these days, with a global pandemic, a war raging, and increasing pressure to succeed and be as productive as possible and win at life, are feeling just a little (or a lot) overwhelmed. And burned out.
What gives, burnout?
So, how do we change this? Well, there are a few ways. Some that might seem counterintuitive. First of all, the obvious thing would be to chill the heck out and whittle down our calendars. That is a little easier to say than do when we all need to make a living, raise families, participate in society, and watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
The second way we can stave off burnout and keep our productivity comes from Emily and Amelia Nagoski who wrote the book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. They assert that you need to complete the stress cycle. And what is that, you might ask?
Well, back in the day when we were being chased by lions in the jungles, the stress cycle went:
“Oh shit there’s a lion” (Perceived threat detection) > [Run fast away from said lion] (Physically active stress response) > [Go back to your tribe] “I got away from the lion!” (Realization that we’re safe from the threat).
The Nagoski sisters say we should look for ways to complete our stress cycles. That often includes moving our bodies and recognizing there is an end to the cycle (usually with friends).
Here’s the thing. For most of my stress cycles, there really isn’t an end. The lion doesn’t go away. And I can guess this is true of most people in the modern world. And, not for nothing, when I’m stressed out about traffic preventing me from getting my kid to school on time, I can’t hop out of the car in traffic and pretend to run from a tiger. So, without that physically active stress response, my body puts that adrenaline and cortisol to work in ways it probably shouldn’t.
So, here are seven ways to complete the stress cycle and work to stave off burnout.
Physical activity
A good hard snotty cry
Snuggling someone you love
Creative expression
Laughing
Positive social interaction
Breathing
A final thought on burnout
The photo above is from about 10 days ago when I was picking up birthday balloons for my son. First of all, it feels like a month ago. Second, had I not taken this picture, I wouldn’t have remembered this photo. Because why? I have a very, very bad memory.
I’ve had a bad memory my whole life. It’s challenging - both for me and for my family and coworkers. There are entire shows I did that I couldn’t tell you one thing about. I have a good decade of very fuzzy fuzziness starting in my late 20’s. Why? Well, stress busts up your memory.
An article by Dr. Elizabeth Scott in Very Well Mind says, “Poor sleep, high stress, and other physical problems can affect memory as well as contribute to the stress that impedes memory formation and retrieval.” And I assume that the more we spend time on that stress train without completing our stress cycles, the more memory we lose.
And that, my friends, is a shame. So, if you are a productivity nerd like me who is always trying to get more done, conquer the world, leave a legacy, and do everything else under the sun, well, you might not even be able to remember the awesomeness at the end of the day.
So, today’s lesson in productivity is not so much about getting more done. But, more importantly, it’s about caring for ourselves in a way that we can have longer lives and memories to enjoy what we have done.
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Here’s a big hug from me and I wish you a long and happy life.