I feel everyone’s feelings for them.
No matter who it is, where I am, or what I’m doing, I soak up the energy in every room and in every conversation, and I feel it deeply.
Whether it’s a frustrated husband, a downtrodden student, or a sad family member. Whether I want to or not, I absorb that feeling like a sponge.
Doctor Lori Lawrenz and Crystal Raypole have my number in an article in Healthline. “Empaths are people who have a lot of empathy for others and good intuition, but who may have difficulty setting boundaries.”
Yeppers. Good intuition, bad boundaries with exactly how I will let a situation impact me as a human being. But, I’ve learned something recently. Apparently, my ability to empathize is being called a superpower in some circles.
In a recent article in Forbes, social worker Karen Hardwick says, "empathy has now shifted from simply being a buzzword to being a true superpower.”
So, I might be a feelings sponge, but I guess I’m the one in a unitard with the sword and shield. Cool. Maybe I don’t need to buy a Halloween costume after all.
What is empathy?
Empathy, unlike sympathy, requires us to imagine ourselves in the other person's (pointe) shoes and allow ourselves to experience a situation as someone else. Empathy is the hard work of “understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings of another person.”
Often? Empathy sucks. And it takes a lot of energy.
In a world of hurt people spending much of their time hurting others, empathy is overwhelming. In a world of a 24/7 news cycle where people are being killed because of their beliefs, where people are demonizing other humans, and where so many of us are caught up in the post-pandemic tidal wave of mental health challenges…feeling all those feelings is…difficult.
But, apparently, it’s worth it.
Empathy can bring us closer to other people. Empathy can help us be a more understanding friend, leader, spouse, and parent. And I believe empathy, if used correctly, could solve a whole lot of the world’s problems.
How to be more empathetic
So, how does one become more empathetic? How do we empathize with other people whose experiences may be very unlike our own? How to we hop into a phone booth and change into our Superhero Empath outfit? Well, there are a lot of ways. Here are the two I will be working most on this week to be even better at my superhero strength (and weakness):
Ask questions - The best way to understand a situation from another person's point of view is to simply ask questions. Clarifying questions and statements are key to understanding most situations, but (bonus) also they’re important for making others feel heard. Often, I refrain from asking questions because I am afraid to hurt another person’s feelings or I don’t want to seem dumb. But, in fact, not asking questions is worse.
Unplug And Be Present - Focusing on others and demonstrating empathy can be hard. It’s even harder when you’re trying to multitask finding a sub for your contemporary class in three hours and feed your hungry child a PBJ with the crusts cut off. But, the most empathetic action (even when faced with other tasks at hand) is to remove all distractions. When in a situation where you want to show empathy, putting down your phone and giving the other person your undivided attention will help you understand and connect with them in a more powerful way.
Empathetic leadership takes time and attention to detail. It takes truly listening and the willingness to be vulnerable enough to put ourselves in another person’s situation. But, according to many people, it is often a superpower. And I think it can help us understand one another a lot better. And through it, we can maybe make the world a better place.
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Love,
Michelle