A study of 1,932 people out of Massachusetts showed that people share more DNA with their best friends than they would an unrelated stranger. Yep. You read that right. We tend to choose people that look like us to be our friends.
If you are an exception to the majority outed by this study, you’re winning. In so many ways. If you aren’t sure, I encourage you to look around yourself at your parties. Look at your social media feed. Do these people look like they’re related to you? That’s okay. But if ALL (or almost all) of these people look like you, you might consider diversifying your friend group.
One of the popular bits of wisdom floating around these days is that you are the average of the five people with whom you spend the most time. Meaning, we tend to take on the attributes of the people who have the most influence in our lives. Or, we choose to spend more time with people that are similar to us.
The good thing about this is that YOUR FRIEND GROUP IS A CONSCIOUS CHOICE. And if we’re conscious of whom we choose to entertain, we can choose people that will make a positive impact on our lives. And we can choose people who will diversify our world perspective.
If you have chosen (inadvertently or on purpose) to limit your friend group to people of the same race, class, gender, socioeconomic status, or sexual preference as you, you are limiting both your world view and your opportunity to understand and collaborate with other groups of individuals.
In a study of children in relation to their friend group, scientists found that those who have a diverse group of friends possess increased self-esteem, resilience, and operate at a higher level of social awareness. They’re also better at taking the perspective of other people and carry that ability over to other situations. It only makes sense that we, as adults, would enjoy these benefits as well.
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Look around
Perhaps this is something you haven’t thought about before. (And maybe it is, but it’s always good to think about it again). I encourage you to look around and take an inventory of your close friend group.
If you’re in the latter half of your life, are all of your friends older as well? If you’re white, is the majority of your social circle white as well? If you’re thin, do you have any curvier friends? I believe that you should. I believe that we should all have all types of friends if we want to become more aware and compassionate humans.
Incidentally, It’s okay to have friends that look like you, but if a social gathering of your friend group looks like it could be a family reunion, that could be a problem. (In fact, if you don’t have any friends that look like you, that is something to look into as well.)
Reach out
There is no excuse these days for not knowing someone that is not like you. “I don’t know any non-binary people because there aren’t any in my small town in Idaho,” is neither an educated statement nor an excuse. There’s a wide, wide world out there and it’s all available at the tip of your fingers on social media. Or on the internet.
If you don’t operate in circles that offer a diverse group of people that don’t look like you, I encourage you to either invite new faces into your group or find an additional group of friends. And then, get to know your new friend(s). I guarantee that you will find things in common.
Talk to people. Get their perspective. Ask them questions. And then LISTEN. Everyone has reasons for why they think the way they think and why they believe what they believe.
You never know a person’s experience or history until you ask them. So, ask. What is it like growing up with food insecurity? What is it like to grow up with famous actor parents? What is it like to be a refugee? What is it like to grow up in a Persian household? What is it like to have a mom from Ghana and a dad from Sweden? What is it like to be visually impaired? What is it like to have two moms? What is it like to be you?
Ask because you don’t know. Ask because every person on this planet’s experience is different and valid. Ask because every person you speak to helps you to understand this world a little bit better. Ask because you care enough to cultivate the list of people whom you choose to spend your time with so that you become a better human.
If you actively listen to the experiences of others that don’t share your experiences, you will likely become more educated, compassionate, and worldly.
And, who knows? Perhaps your new friends will change your view of the world for the better.
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Thank you for reading!
Love,
Michelle
Thanks for this reminder to expand our social circles. One of the benefits of being a nomad is that we've gotten to meet the most interesting people on the road. One of my closest friends is in his 70s! Never would have thought, but there's so much wisdom to be gained from having friends from different walks of life, races, genders, and age groups. Great post!