Deep down, we all think we know who we are. Think is the operative word.
Our autobiographical self is made up of memories of events in our lives that shape who we believe we are. Here are a few memories of events that have shaped me:
My seventh grade teacher asked me to “swap writing styles” with another student in the class. I read my final piece out loud and she said that I had a natural gift for writing. (I am a good writer.)
When I was a teenager studying ballet in New York, a teacher complimented me for being able to see more bones on my chest than the previous week. (I am worthy of praise if I am thin.)
A coworker at a previous job told me I was the “smartest person in the room and everybody knows it.” (I am smart.)
Obviously, as evidenced by the previous three statements, our autobiographical memories are not always true. And they vary based on the situation, but still, deep down, some things are a part of our identities for much longer than we think.
And, unfortunately, if those autobiographical memories stick around for too long, after we have changed who we are, they might get in the way of us getting what we want and making a lasting change for good.
Autobiographical Self
Your autobiographical self is your understanding of who you are and how you interact with the world. Usually, it’s the phrases you would put after, “I am the type of person who…” And your autobiographical self is shaped by the types of memories I shared in the previous section.
In Learning and Memory: A Comprehensive Reference, authors Conway and Williams say, “autobiographical memories are personally important memory representations. They are the content of the self and define who we are, who we have been, and, importantly, who we can yet become. They enable us to have a past, present, and future in which we exist as individuals.”
These memories are the stuff of who you are. And as time passes, with new experiences, our autobiographical selves are updated based on what we observe or are told about ourselves and our pace in the world.
For instance, if you spend two years learning to speak Spanish as a second language, you would most likely involuntarily update your autobiographical self to include the fact that you’re the kind of person who is bilingual. This is great! Your autobiographical self now reflects the person you currently are.
But, what if you don’t want to be who you are anymore? What if you want to change? Could your autobiographical self potentially be slowing you down? Is there a world in which it could be tethering you to a former version of yourself?
Allocentric Lock
There’s a theory that relates to eating disorders called the Allocentric Lock Theory. This theory is that people can potentially get stuck in an old vision of themselves.
In a paper published in Med Hypothesis, Giuseppe Riva and Santino Gaudio say, “According to the "Allocentric Lock Hypothesis, individuals with AN may be locked to an allocentric (observer view) negative memory of the body that is no more updated by contrasting egocentric representations driven by perception.”
In other words, they believe that people with an eating disorder may get locked into a previous idea of what they look like, even if their appearance changes. So, if a person is shamed by a peer at a certain weight, they might hold onto the image of themselves at that time, despite changes that might have occurred in their bodies in the time following that event.
Now, I know that this is a theory that applies to individuals with an eating disorder and I do not want to devalue anyone’s experience who has dealt with that. So, just hear me out on that point for a moment.
But what if anyone in the world could get locked into a previous idea of themselves as well? What if there is a more broad version of an allocentric lock in our minds that links us to an old version of ourselves when we try to make a change in our lives?
Locked into an old version of you?
So, what if you had an autobiographical memory of, say, being irresponsible with your finances or of missing deadlines at work? You might just have a piece of your autobiographical self that is locked into believing that you are the kind of person who “just isn’t good with money” or who “is a successful procrastinator.”
If we apply the allocentric lock theory to people who have beliefs about themselves like the ones above, we might see a number of people who are stuck in a feedback loop of an old version of themselves. They believe they’re not good with money, so every time they create a new budget, they eventually fall back into old habits and reinforce the idea that they’re not the type of person that is good at sticking with a budget.
You can insert any belief about yourself into the statement above.
So, when you have a belief that is a part of your autobiographical self that is in conflict with a positive change you want to make in your life, you might be swimming upstream.
Are you locked into an old version of you?
Unlocking your new autobiographical self
Listen, I’m not a mental health professional, but I know that I have personally been locked into beliefs about myself that were not conducive to my overall mental and physical health and wellness (see point number two in the first section). Here are some steps I have taken move into a new version of myself. Even when the older version was trying to hold me back.
The first step to unlocking your new autobiographical self is to recognize what older beliefs might have been present in your narrative. For me, I attached a sense of worthiness to my physical appearance. When I started writing out some of my beliefs and autobiographical memories, I realized I had a lot of beliefs that were holding me back.
Second, identities are built slowly. Unfortunately, you can make a decision to change in a moment, but the belief that you can change only comes when you prove it to yourself. So, each time you create a memory of following through on the new version of yourself, it could be one of the memories you add to your creation of your autobiographical self. So, continue to prove to yourself that you are who you want to be.
Third, it never hurts to see things in writing. I like to write out points that I hope to become a part of my identity and put them in places I will notice throughout the day. You can start with, “I am the type of person who…” and create your new self from there.
Final thoughts
The secret reason you keep letting yourself down (if, in fact you do), is that you don’t believe you are the type of person who follows through, turns things in on time, is worthy of love, is good with money, can be a good leader, etc. The fact is that our autobiographical self shapes our actions. And vice versa.
While you can’t immediately change your autobiographical self, you can immediately start acting like the self you want to be in the future. Are you locked into an old version of yourself? Share some of your unproductive autobiographical memories in the comments and how you plan to prove yourself to be a different person. It might just encourage someone else to do the same.
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Love,
Michelle